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Posts tagged God
I’m Finally Free! (My Life Testimony-Part 1)
It’s been a while since I last posted my last blog entry. I’ve been busy this month in school (for the reason that I am a graduating engineering student) and in church. I miss the blogesphere! Since I’m back (finally) I want to share my life testimony after I encounter Him. I’m on fire! And I want to keep that fire burning inside of me, the fire which I want you to experience as well when you fall in love with Jesus Christ. I’m in love with Him so bad and I celebrated my 3rd month with my church, so I think this is the time to come out and share the hidden me. Here it goes:
Hi! You can call me Vincent or Vince for short. I stand 5 foot and 7 inches tall, and I’m just like the typical guy you see on a daily basis in this society. I’m a self-confessed EMO i.e “Emotional Motivated Output”, I hate myself! I hate everything about me. I don’t like to hang-out with other people, having a quiet time at the corner of the room is my past time. I don’t usually talk instead I write what I felt in such situation I am into. My rough childhood experience led me to this kind of attitude that the other people cannot understand.
I am sexually abused in my younger years by my cousin and an older relative of us. It lasted for almost 4 or 5 years? I don’t want to elaborate it any further. So that time, I treated myself as a trash. I’m getting used of it, and I can’t complain to them because I’m afraid. It stopped when I’m in my 2nd year in high school, for the reason we moved to other place to live. That experience tortured my self-being and my mind as well.
The feeling is different that I needed to hide my true self. I isolated myself to others when I was growing up especially from boys because of my fear to them. I didn’t have the chance to relate with them. This is the start of rejection and I hurt myself again asking: “Why should I receive this kind of treatment?”
I rejected the feeling of being abused, and wasted and turned myself in pornography. I remember an old joke in high school that: “99% of men admit to viewing pornography on a regular basis. The remaining 1% are liars.” As a young kid, I was exposed to pornographic materials when I discover VCD’s under my father’s closet. I am curious that time so I watched it when everybody was asleep. For the next couple of years, I consider myself as a porn addict. I’m supplying my lust with the daily viewing of the many VCD’s of my father, and when the internet comes it open my eyes to the never-ending possibilities of the sexual related stuff: from nude pictures to streaming videos to live chat. I notice that I became so addicted to porn that whenever I go out, I mentally undressed people that I saw. I don’t care who it was, whether I saw a girl or a boy I just pictured them and imagined them in an filthy situation with each other. I thought this addiction will never end.*
I don’t know what path I am going to take, I am ashamed of myself. I know Jesus, Yes! I admire Him, but I don’t live the way it supposed to be (a Christ-like person). He wasn’t my priority. I once surrender my life to Him when I was invited in a youth service, but it made me more miserable. I follow Him and I’m still in this addiction that led me to double life between God and Satan. It’s killing me.
Sunday afternoon last 24th of June 2012 at the Robinson’s Galleria, I was invited by my friend to attend their church annual celebration. And that moment I feel that even I am unworthy, God never leave me alone. I remember Pastor Jon’s message: “Kapatid, Mahal ka ng Panginoon. Gusto naming kayong tulungan dahil hindi madali magbago, hindi madali sumunod sa Diyos.” And that moment I accepted the challenge to believe that I can make an exceptional impact! One month later, from July 20-22 I joined the 3rd batch-2012 of EGR (Encounter God Retreat) delegates at the Camp Jabez, Dasmarinaz Cavite. That was the best experience of my life. I feel so free! It is between me and God alone.
Do you know such feeling called: “Grabe!?” I experience that when I encounter Him. If I relate that grabe-feeling to a mathematical sense, it is raised to the power of infinity. I felt for the first time that the Lord embraces me whole-heartedly. I’m in the cloud nine with the angels singing in my head. I will never forget that moment. Woah! Grabe! That was the beginning that I fully understand something important, that I must leave the old me because loving Jesus means dying to my own selfish infatuation. I transgressed a lot and I don’t want to be the same anymore.
Jesus changed my life, for I know now my purpose here on earth. I don’t want to go back again in the old me instead I leave that scars of years and years of abused and addiction in the past. I keep on walking forward until I reach the finish line where Jesus is waiting. Having Him in our lives is the greatest experience and happiest feeling you will ever encounter.
The old Vincent which is an “emo”, loner, introvert, afraid of rejection, self-centered guy, a porno addict, and not a believer of God is now willing to face the world with his head up high saying that: “He is Victorious!” Lord changes everything after I fully surrender my all to Him. I have learned how to love myself, and the other people around me. And I know, by God’s grace, I will have a bright future together with Jesus, my lover, my friend and my savior.
Note: This is not the last time I will testify about my life being changed by Him, because until now He moves in my life in different aspects of it. So I’m excited for more! Yey!
*Inspired by the story: “Confessions of a Pornography Addict.”
Cast down
I don’t know what is happening to me this past few days. Lost? Confused? Dispirit? Stunned? I don’t know! I’m longing for something, but I don’t know what is it. I can’t focus. I easily get angry. I’m always worried. I’m afraid! I want to go to somewhere, far from here, I want to be alone just for once. Ugh! I think my brain will burst and fall into pieces. I can’t hardly breathe. It feels like as if somebody was gripping my throat. The feeling is awful, unexplainable.
Jesus beckoned to me but I neglect him, instead I go to the other way. I admire human approval rather than the approval of God. Harsh but true. Wake up Vincent, wake up!
“The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.”
Deuteronomy 31:8
I know that I still learn things the hard way. The Father sent a Holy Spirit who’s always there to reminded us in all the things that we do and never leave us (John 14:15), but in times of trial I mistrust him. Why? I don’t know. I don’t want this kind of feeling anymore. Apathetic me. I am ashamed of myself. So sorry Lord. I know you have a great purpose in my life. I will never leave you this time, I will continue walking with you Lord even it hurts on my part. Everything’s will be alright. All I need is faith and trust my life according to your will.
Too Blessed To Stressed
I’m Too Blessed To Be Stressed,
Too Anointed To Be Disappointed
I refuse to be discouraged,
to be sad or to cry.
I refuse to be downhearted
and here’s the reason why:I have a God who is almighty;
who is sovereign and supreme;
I have a God who loves me,
and I am on His team.He is all wise and powerful;
Jesus is His Name;
though everything else is changeable,
My God remains the same.I refuse to be defeated!
My eyes are on my GOD!
He has promised to be with me,
as through this life I trod.I am looking past my circumstances,
to Heaven’s throne above.
My prayers have reached the heart of God.
I am resting in His Love.I give thanks to Him in everything.
My eyes are on His face.
The battle is His; the victory is mine;
He will help me win the race!I repeat, “I’M TOO BLESSED TO BE STRESSED!”
Eric Geoffrey Plott
Busy in church activities, workshops, ministries, school projects and a lot on my to-do-list. Stressed? No! Just like the poem above, I’m blessed. I never get tired serving and offering my time to you oh Lord. I repeat, I’m too blessed to be stressed!
Drink Moderately?
Last Monday, I was invited by my classmate into their house for his 21st birthday celebration. I refused at first because I know it will led me from drinking alcohol (again). I’ve never been drunk since the time I encounter my Saviour, Jesus Christ. But he forced me to come. He’s one of my closest friend in school, and I don’t want to disappoint him-so I come with my two other friends. My plan is not to drink, I will go there just for the food, no more liquor and other stuff. And suddenly, I did not notice that I am taking a shot of Emperador Light. Aww! (Lord, Forgive me!) As a new christian, I made a promise to myself that I will never been involve on drinking alcohol, but I have transgressed my promise. Pitiful me. Everytime I drink, I always think that is it really okay? Did I pleased God by doing this? I always second-guessing. But thanks to this article I found on the web:
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Question: “What does the Bible say about drinking alcohol / wine? Is it a sin for a Christian to drink alcohol / wine?”
Answer: Scripture has much to say regarding the drinking of alcohol (Leviticus 10:9;Numbers 6:3; Deuteronomy 29:6; Judges 13:4, 7, 14; Proverbs 20:1; 31:4; Isaiah 5:11, 22;24:9; 28:7; 29:9; 56:12). However, Scripture does not necessarily forbid a Christian from drinking beer, wine, or any other drink containing alcohol. In fact, some Scriptures discuss alcohol in positive terms. Ecclesiastes 9:7 instructs, “Drink your wine with a merry heart.”Psalm 104:14-15 states that God gives wine “that makes glad the heart of men.” Amos 9:14 discusses drinking wine from your own vineyard as a sign of God’s blessing. Isaiah 55:1 encourages, “Yes, come buy wine and milk…”
What God commands Christians regarding alcohol is to avoid drunkenness (Ephesians 5:18). The Bible condemns drunkenness and its effects (Proverbs 23:29-35). Christians are also commanded to not allow their bodies to be “mastered” by anything (1 Corinthians 6:12; 2 Peter 2:19). Drinking alcohol in excess is undeniably addictive. Scripture also forbids a Christian from doing anything that might offend other Christians or encourage them to sin against their conscience (1 Corinthians 8:9-13). In light of these principles, it would be extremely difficult for any Christian to say he is drinking alcohol in excess to the glory of God (1 Corinthians 10:31).
Jesus changed water into wine. It even seems that Jesus drank wine on occasion (John 2:1-11; Matthew 26:29). In New Testament times, the water was not very clean. Without modern sanitation, the water was often filled with bacteria, viruses, and all kinds of contaminants. The same is true in many third-world countries today. As a result, people often drank wine (or grape juice) because it was far less likely to be contaminated. In 1 Timothy 5:23, Paul was instructing Timothy to stop drinking the water (which was probably causing his stomach problems) and instead drink wine. In that day, wine was fermented (containing alcohol), but not necessarily to the degree it is today. It is incorrect to say that it was grape juice, but it is also incorrect to say that it was the same thing as the wine commonly used today. Again, Scripture does not forbid Christians from drinking beer, wine, or any other drink containing alcohol. Alcohol is not, in and of itself, tainted by sin. It is drunkenness and addiction to alcohol that a Christian must absolutely refrain from (Ephesians 5:18; 1 Corinthians 6:12).
Alcohol, consumed in small quantities, is neither harmful nor addictive. In fact, some doctors advocate drinking small amounts of red wine for its health benefits, especially for the heart. Consumption of small quantities of alcohol is a matter of Christian freedom. Drunkenness and addiction are sin. However, due to the biblical concerns regarding alcohol and its effects, due to the easy temptation to consume alcohol in excess, and due to the possibility of causing offense and/or stumbling of others, it is usually best for a Christian to abstain entirely from drinking alcohol.
source:http://www.gotquestions.org/sin-alcohol.html
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After I read this, I enlighten up. I remember the ad: “Drink Moderately” is it okay for us (christians) to drink unless we still know what we are doing. We must avoid being drunk and fall into sin because of alcohol. But drinking is an addiction, and somehow it will help the evil spirit more attracted to us. I am not a drinker or ‘Sunog Baga’, I drink occasionally. But it’s a shame on my part that I say to everybody that I am a christian, I follow God, I speaks God’s words, and I drink? It breaks me. Saying ‘NO!’ is really a hard word to say but I will make a covenant to God that I will never (EVER) involve myself again in drinking alcohol-related stuff. Sharing this is really a ‘suntok sa buwan’ for me, but God gives me a strength and courage to speak this to the public. To God be the Glory.
Be Firm to say No!
As I turned on the television a while ago, I changed the channel and it turns out to channel 11, News TV. The show that time is “The 700 Club Asia.” I came to the house at past 11pm, I’m nervous knowing that my mom will be mad at me again. And then, Booom! She did not talk nor yell at me. Is it a good or a bad sign? Coming back to the t.v. program I was tuned in. I was shocked when the Host/Pastor pray for the viewers who are being depressed that time (which is me). I joined the prayer and I was a glad that God made a way to tell me that don’t be depress. I know this is only a test. And in time, God will made a way to pick-up the broken trust I put to their minds.
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”
-Matthew 11:28-30 (NIV)
Napakaganda ng verse na ito. It only says that, we must come to the Lord. Us who are tired, burdened, depressed. He will take away all the negative feelings that we kept inside. He will give us rest. Kung tayo man ay nabibigatan. Nandiyan Siya at handang tumulong upang buhatin ang ating mga pasan-pasan.
As a christian, servant and a child of God I struggle a lot after I encounter Him. Diyan ka itetest. Malalaman mo kung hanggang saan yung conviction mo. Can you stand on what you believe in? Sabi nga ng cell leader ko, “Hahanapin ni Satan kung saan ang weakness mo. At iyon ang itatarget niya, titirahin niya, to bring you down, to keep you fall into sin.” I almost fall into sin again, but I say NO! I say NO to the evil spirit who always there to tempt me. After you receive Christ in your life, you must live the way just like the way Jesus Christ lived. Kumbaga nabubuhay ka, nakilala ka hindi sa pangalan mo. Nakikilala ka as a Christ-like person. Alam ko hindi lang ito ang pagdadaan ko. Habang mas tumatagal at lumalalim ang relationship natin kay God, mas hihirap ang mga struggles na pagdadaanan natin. Basta ako. I believe! I believe na makakaya ko ‘to. Syempre sa tulong niya. Just relax, self-control, read the bible, pray, and trust to the Lord. Makakaya natin/ko ito.
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV)
Just always remember that verse. God has a plan for us. Hindi niya tayo ginigipit, bagkus this will help us to prosper more, to grow more, and to Love Him moreeee. Amen. 🙂
Encounter God Retreat
Last Friday afternoon until Sunday (from July 20-22, 2012) we were at the Camp Jabez, Dasmarinaz, Cavite for our EGR or ‘Encounter God Retreat’. At first, I was so excited kung ano ang maaring mangyari sa camping na ‘yun. I was with my co-churchmates and my classmates. I am new sa aming church which is ‘YROCK’ or Yeshuah The Rock Christian Assembly. Ang dami kong hindrances at struggles before ako makasama but praise Him, He made a way para makasama ako.
I’m just an ordinary guy outside but I have a lot inside-nakatago. So kung kilala mo ako, you know the 40% of my being not the whole me. Tahimik ako, di kita kakausapin kung di mo ko i-aaproach first (pero di ako snabero), I’m more on the observer type, mas gugustuhin kong maging follower kaysa maging leader, takot ako sa rejection, at sa aso, masayahin ako but it always depends pa rin on my mood, mahilig ako sa music, pop culture, magsulat nang kahit ano, at magbasa.
Room Matthew (Machu)
Ano nga ba ang EGR? Most of the christian(s)-born again ay alam na ang bagay na ito. Let me share na lang may personal experiences. We came at the camp not knowing kung anong mga maaring mangyari sa amin. Since I am a boy, boys rin ang mga karoommates ko. Nasa room-Matthew kami. After mag getting-to-know ang bawat isa ay nagsimula na ang orientation and then afterwards ang first session. Binubuo nang 11 sessions ang EGR (don’t know if ganoon rin sa other christian church). That night, isang session lang ang hineld. And after that session, I was crying and so they are. Grabeeee! First session pa lang, ang bigat na sa pakiramdam (mabigat in a good way). We prayed, and went back to our respective room after nun. Confiscated ang mga phones at iba pang mga gadget para iwas temptation at makapagfocus ka talaga. You just need your heart, desires at ang iyong sarili.
Real men do cry
2nd day of EGR, still on the run and I am still on FIRE! Ang gaganda ng mga topics every session. Korni mo kung di ka maapektuhan or magiging emotional. Grabeee! Sobrang grabeee! Ayaw ko nang ikwento, mas magandang ikaw mismo ang makaalam at makaranas ng exaggerated feeling na di mo ma-eexplain. At habang tumatagal, unti-unti akong nadudurog. Nanlulumo. Nasasaktan. Dati kasi, when I encounter a problem, I keep it to myself. I ask God for help but I am not sincerely enough. I always expect or should I say, I always test Him (which is not the right way to handle your problem/s), sabi nga ng isa sa mga leader namin si church: “Tingnan mo yung kamay mo. Walang butas right? Di ka si Jesus Christ kaya ‘wag mo pasanin lahat ng problems mo.” At hanggang sa sumapit ang hapon, ang gabi. Walang tapon sa lahat ng narealize ko, sa nalaman sa buhay ko. Eto pala talaga yung sinasabi nilang Grabeeee! I learned how to confess lahat ng tinatago kong kasalanan sa ibang tao. Tunay ngang you will accept all the challenges that life may brings if you encounter God sa buhay mo. Before we close that night, they gathered a talent presentation per group, I was in the group 3 and praise His glory name because we won out of nowhere. Thanks to my groupmates and for the first time, I consider myself as a leader that time.
Real Happiness
Last day was the best of the bests. Ika nga nila: ‘They save the best for last.’ Doon mo talaga mararanasan yung pinaka-Grabeeeeeeeeeeeeee! Wooh! If curious kang malaman? You should join an EGR and I assure you na hindi mo ito pagsisihan.
After that encounter, you will feel Free! So Free! Just ask for His forgiveness, surrender your all to Him, and accept and receive Him in your precious heart and walk with Him through your journey until the end of everything. Promise. You will never regret if you encounter God in your life. After ‘nun may pang-hahawakan ka na sa buhay mo. You will know what is your purpose. You will going to have a conviction. And you will free from the evil spirits na palaging hadlang sa mga daan papunta sa kanya.
I testify this because, I want you to encounter God, I want you to be changed by Him, I want you to know that He loves you so much even though you sinned a lot just like me, and I want to share the impact that I experienced when I encounter Him. Tunay ngang buhay ka Panginoong Hesus, nawa’y bigyan mo ng wisdom kung sino man ang bumabasa nito right now. To God be the Glory. God bless you more and more. 🙂
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